Beautiful Chaos

Finding adventure in the everyday



I’ve been thinking about my Monkey a lot these days. He is stretching me in one million different ways. Some days I feel like he hears nothing I say ever. Some days I feel like he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. And some days we have so many sweet moments I’m sure I must’ve been the cause of all the crazy ones.

But it’s in those hard days that I’m trying to figure out how to love HIM well. Being a mom to him is going to look so different than being a mom to Spunky. She thinks like me, reasons like me, views her world through the same lens. We get each other. But that boy? I can’t figure out how he thinks or reasons or views the world. All I know is that it’s so different from me. And I don’t want to squish it.
I don’t want to overlook his bent, the way God made him and try to fit him into this mold he was never made for. I don’t want to take away his fire and energy and life because I don’t understand it and it seems unruly and sometime ridiculous to me.
But what does that look like?
He would happily spend bedtime jumping off of the bed, throwing pillows and blankets and growling like a monster. If he got to choose, wrestling would be what he does with Big Baby all day long. And shopping at the store would mean having to use the intercom to find him. Every. Single. Time. So, obviously I can’t just let him do his own thing either.
Somehow in this all there is a balance. This mindful awareness of each situation and where it falls in 1) keeping him and others safe and 2) keeping his heart joyfilled and alive. And I’m not always sure what that balance looks like.
Maybe it looks like a family picture where his arms are blurry because he can’t stop moving. Maybe it looks like an abundance of patience when he continuously has bathroom accidents because he is oblivious to what he’s feeling in his body. Maybe it looks like letting him walk with me at the store with a gentle reminder that if he gets too far, he has to ride in the cart. Maybe I’m already doing it but it will never feel comfortable or like I’ve “arrived” because I am clueless as to where we are going. And just because I don’t get it, doesn’t mean I can’t encourage him to fly.
Update: I started writing this post last weekend and wouldn’t you know it, God has been giving me insight since then. A friend found this chart that made my brain spin. This is the information to help me understand my fun-loving boy so much better and be able to relate to him as such. (It also helps me understand why I get in a tizzy sometimes too!) Then, another friend was talking about her Myers Briggs personality, and I’m totally into that stuff. I took the test for me, and while reading through the different types, realized other ways that my little Monkey could be relating to the world. This has made me feel much less random in my relating and so much more conscious of what is happening in all of my kid’s heads.If you’re into this stuff like me, you should also take this survey which is more ministry related.

Oh, and if you’re interested I am a Determined, INFJ Apostle/Prophet. What are you?

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